Read
Hated by a Loved One
“When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.”
Genesis 3:6
We don’t think of hate being directed at us by our loved ones. In fact, many of us would deny that our loved ones have ever directed hate toward us. Maybe they were frustrated or angry at times. Maybe they were tired and negligent sometimes. We prefer to give the benefit of the doubt to our loved ones because we are convinced that, at the core, they really have our best interest at heart. When the rubber meets the road, they love us.
That’s a healthy attitude! We should hope for the best and assume the best of our loved ones. After all, no one is perfect, and we ourselves have received that same type of patience from others. There is a limit, however, to how far that assumption should go. Giving the “benefit of the doubt” is only valid when there’s doubt.
We have no record of Adam and Eve telling each other “I love you.” However, I think they may have known love more purely than we have simply because they experienced it in paradise before sin tainted them. I claim it’s safe to say they loved each other. Does that necessarily imply that everything they did for one another was a “loving act?” I say emphatically, “No,” and I direct your attention to the verse at the start of this post.
Eve’s offering the forbidden fruit to Adam was not an act of love, regardless of the emotions or intentions attached to the act. Why? Because she encouraged him to separate himself from his God in disobedience.
Is it really possible to confirm or remove doubt about someone’s love for us? Not apart from an objective universal standard for what love is. If such a standard exists to which we are privy, then it is possible. This is the universal Standard for love, namely the desire to strengthen another’s relationship with the Creator.
For much of the world, love involves encouraging someone in a pursuit: of identity, of comfort, of “success.” Except when it doesn't. It all depends on your pursuit. The world is both fickle and hypocritical in its love, and you may find yourself in pursuit of something the world frowns upon. Individuals in the world, however, don’t feel they are fickle and hypocritical in their love, so how do we reconcile these things? These things are so because the love that is in the world is not love based on the Standard. It’s a love that appeals to our flesh rather than our spirit. By its nature, then, the love of the world is subject to the appetites of those in the world.
Is the world’s love really “hate,” then? Yes, because the world’s love loves the individual less than their philosophy or pursuit or movement. To love someone less is to hate that person with respect to the thing loved more. This is the failing of the world, loving many things more than loving each other according to the Standard.
Do your loved ones love you? This is not an emotion-based question, though it may stir strong emotions. It’s a question that is easily answered by appealing to the Standard. In other words, do your loved ones encourage and aid the strengthening of your relationship with the Creator? Are you willing to accept that some things your loved ones encourage may represent hate instead of love?
Do you love others? In other words, are you actively encouraging others to strengthen their relationship with the Creator? Are you willing to accept that you’ve hated the people that you love by hindering their relationship with the Creator?
A popular saying is “hate is learned.” Love is also learned. This world needs more people who accept that fact and seek out Love in a life-long pursuit to know Him and show Him to others more perfectly.
Be one of those people.
